Dissociation

Life is meant to flow freely and unimpeded. You are a creator at heart, and that creative energy is powerful. It doesn't matter what you're creating, whether thats art, community, another human, or simply the beauty of your uniqueness, the universal life force energy wants to flow through you to create something beautiful. This is not always apparent, though, is it? We grow up in a family unit, communities, and a society that stifles this energy and tamp it down through expectations, belief systems, abuse, or unmet needs in childhood. Life then becomes an internal war within each of us, fighting to create what the greater intelligence of life itself is trying to birth in us. The dam that halts this free flow of life force energy often comes as a feeling, vague and unclear why it's there.

This feeling is what we psychotherapists call implicit memory. Explicit memory is what we can recall and tell through a story, the who, what, when, where, and why of it. But implicit memory is deeper. It is embedded in us when we have an emotionally charged experience. Our nervous system remembers this event so that we use that information to keep us safe in the future. This is how the mysterious unconscious works, through memory. If you were scared and reached up for your mother as a young child for an embrace and repeatedly got rejected from her, that memory is installed as software on the hardware of your brain. The message is embedded through the limbic system of the brain which has the responsibility to make sure you are safe, both on a physical level and a symbolic level.

The symbolic level is tracking all the needs in your body's system and how to adjust if those needs aren't met. So, if you keep reaching up to your mother as a child and don't get the loving affection you need, your nervous system shuts that need down inside of you through a mechanism called dissociation. You begin to expect that that need for affection will never get met, and That belief is programmed in you through memory. So you will go throughout your life expecting others that are close to you to have the same response as your mother did to you when you reach for loving affection. Dissociation is your body's defense mechanism to stop you from feeling the overwhelming experience of not being able to get your needs met, no matter what they are. It is the numb, flat, cold, apathetic feeling that comes when you encounter an overwhelming experience in life. Sometimes we seek activities that numb us from overwhelming feelings, the most common being doom scrolling on the phone. Sometimes we have no idea why we are feeling the intensity of overwhelm that we are feeling, and that's why it's implicit memory. We aren't aware because the unconscious processes of this part of our brain move 3-10 times faster than conscious thought. This means that it's happening so fast that we often don't know why it's happening. We don't know how to deal with whatever unmet need is coming up that we've learned through our history will never be met. This leads to addiction of all kinds. Constantly seeking to find ease and contentment through whatever means possible, but bypassing our true feelings in the process. It's an effective strategy for someone who hasn't learned how to cope with overwhelming emotions, don't get me wrong. I am not faulting anyone for their comfort seeking behaviors as I have my tried and true methods for dissociation as well.

How do we move past the overwhelming feeling in a healthy way, though? Through the work of Dr. Steven Porges and the polyvagal theory, we know now that in order to move past a dissociated state, we must move through what's called the fight or flight response. This is where the energy of panic, anxiety, and overwhelm happen. We must feel the overwhelming feeling and have enough support to allow it to pass through us. If we try to face it alone, without enough internal or external support, it may backfire and make things worse. So when considering how to move past the overwhelm, list the things that support you the most. This can range from exercise, to dance, to music, to a close friend, to the memory of a loved one, to a spiritual master, or even your breath. If you have been stuck in a collapsed, dissociated state for a long time, it would be wise to seek interpersonal support. Since most of our deepest wounds happen in connection with others, our deepest healing must happen in connection with others as well. Your friends are great, but they may not have the knowledge or skills to support you. They may also be going through something in their own life. This is where a trained somatic psychotherapist who understands nervous system states and how to move through them will be invaluable.

If you work with me, you will have the opportunity to be supported by someone who is skilled in attuning to others as well as have deep knowledge about the psyche and inner workings of dissociation. Not many therapists know how to work with dissociation or even want to work with it, but through a new and breakthrough somatic lens, I help my clients learn about and move out of dissociation, and into a free and whole life. The flow of life can freely move through you again, when these kinks in the hose are undone. I help my clients find relief and meet age old needs that their deeper selves have been longing to be met their whole lives.